Crime Drama TV

Zach and Temperance are helping a local church figure out which skeleton is which and what grave they belong in after a water main break messed up their graveyard. Father Matt is happy to provide the burial records to speed things up, but old Father Grumpy says he’s in charge of the records and blah blah crochity blah. He barks at Brennan and Zach to respect the sacred ground. Zach finds a skull that’s out of place and it looks like the person died of a blow with a blunt instrument. Brennan: “Your sacred ground just became a crime scene.”

After Angela composits a sketch of what the man looked like, the church community recognizes the man as another Father who just disappeared one day leaving behind a note saying he was leaving the priesthood. Father Grumpy yet again cops an attitude. I’m seriously surprised no one murdered him. Eventually they figure out that the Father was poisoned and then hit by the blunt object and Father Matt is now the target of poisoning. All roads lead to Father Grumpy, but his reaction to the news of the poison leads Boothe to the church administrator. Raised by Father Grumpy, she poisoned both Fathers because Father Grumpy suspected the first one of touching an altar boy and didn’t like Father Matt.

Meanwhile, Brennan and Boothe fight the entire episode. They think it’s because of their different views on religion but the therapist, who Boothe eventually convinces Brennan to talk to, says they’re both afraid that Brennan didn’t go with Sully because of her ties to Boothe. Which is totally true, but he fudges some explanation that Brennan can’t lead a purposeless life at the moment.

And while that’s going on, Hodgins and Angela are going at it like rabbits when he asks her to move in with him since his closet is already half full with her things. Angela isn’t sure why, but she doesn’t want to at the moment. Angela has Brennan take her to the therapist, who advises her to wait until her closet is 30% Hodgins things. And she calls him on his crap theory that Brennan didn’t stay because of Boothe.

Good episode. I thouroughly enjoyed it. Nothing stood out to me has great or worthy of attention, but nothing stood out as bad either. Father Grumpy kind of grated on my nerves a bit with his strictness, but that’s about it.

Bones is new tonight. Take a look!

Criminal Minds fans get a repeat of “Sex, Birth, Death” tonight which, if you haven’t seen it, definitely tune in because it’s probably the best episode ever. Seriously. I’m not kidding. Watch it. If not for my spectacular reccommendation, then to blow Lost out of the water. You KNOW you’re sick of JJ Abrams not knowing what the hell he’s doing.

Let’s talk about romance and it’s place in crime dramas. A lot of people aren’t interested in the characters personal lives, they just want to watch them solve cases. And that’s perfectly respectable. I mean, if I’m watching a crime show I’m obviously expecting some crime and the solving thereof.

But there are those of us who enjoy the little glimpses into the lives of our characters outside of the office. I have already professed that I am one of these people. Every time there’s an Eppes family moment or a new love interest for a character, I get giddy. Now I could go on and on ad nauseum about how seeing their personal relationships not only humanizes a character, but shows how their job affects them (Veronica Mars is a good example of this. Her PI gig has made her very untrusting and slightly paranoid). I could do that, or I could be completely honest with you about my motivations.

Living vicariously. I am a boyfriendless girl, so when one of my TV boyfriends has a new love interest, I get excited because I get to live through them. And don’t be so quick to judge; it’s like reading a romance novel. A well-written, crime-riddled romance novel.

Any thoughts?

Today is the first day of the new quarter for me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m on the fence about declaring Criminology as my major. I’m taking Criminal Justice this quarter (lucky Veronica, getting to take the actual criminology class as a frshman. I want to go to Hearst.) and feeling it out, since it’s on the opposite end of the spectrum from my current Creative Writing/Film major.

Anyway, I was peeking at the Criminal Minds official site in a fit of boredom and came across the Profiler Quiz. Sweet! I love personality quizzes and I love profiling; they are two great tastes that taste great together. 26 out of 30. Guess I should give some serious consideration to the major change.

Take the quiz and see if you’ve got what it takes to hang with the BAU.

Are crime shows less enjoyable if you miss the first couple of minutes?

Running late after taking my cats to the vet, I sat down at 8:14 to watch Bones and I just couldn’t get into it. I watched the entire episode but I felt lost the entire time. The first few minutes are the set-up for the entire episode; the initial comitting or discovery of the crime. The initial presentation not only to the characters but to the audience.

What do you guys think? Do you turn off a crime show if you’ve missed the first few minutes?

Whooo! Hotch-centric episode! This week the team is looking for a serial killer who sets fire to houses while the family is still inside and then uses a fire suit to stay inside and watch them burn. It’s learned that the fathers of the households were employees of companies that were found guilty of hiding leaking underground benzine tanks and the team suspect the leader of the eco group EDF.

Hotch and Prentiss tail the leader. It looks like he’s getting ready to run until he stops at a hospital. He has leukemia caused by years of inspecting the tanks for companies. Figuring that the killer is at least a member of the group, Hotch gives him the profile and is pointed in the right direction.

Side note: Hotch tells the guy a story about how everyone knew his father was having affairs and he went to confront him about it. Only it turns out that his father had lung cancer. Okay. Correct me if I’m wrong, but in “The Tribe” Hotch’s brother says that their father died of a heart attack at 47. BAD continuity people! No cookie!

Anyway, the leader has the killer meet him at an old warehouse standing over benzine tanks that has been rezoned for an elementary school. Leader and bad guy go boom. Hotch is sad. The EDF leader left him a letter to give to his estranged son, which he does while wearing a fleece pullover, marking the third time we’ve seen Hotch in something other than his Three-Button Suit (of Justice).

If that continuity screw up wasn’t so bad, I might have forgiven the writers for having Reid talk about addiction. When giving the profile, Spencer mentions that fire is and addiction for this guy and he’d be unable to stop without help, throwing a significant glance at Gideon. Thank you, Spence. That was EXACTLY my point three weeks ago.

All in all a good, enjoyable episode.

I have a serious question for y’all. Does anyone watch American Idol anymore? Really? And how about that Pussycat Dolls reality show? Is anyone watching that?

As a rule, I don’t watch reality television. The only show I allow myself to watch is Project Runway because Tim Gunn is my life coach (by the way, I met Angela Kesslar this fall and she said “Tim Gunn is the jewel in the crown of humanity.” Truer words have never been spoken).

Do you have any thoughts about reality television? I know this doesn’t have anything to do with crime dramas, but I wanted to ask since all my shows are being preempted by “reality” programming.

Numb3rs and CSI weren’t even showing repeats this week, so let’s talk about Criminal Minds. This week’s repeat was of “Lessons Learned”. The DEA has raided what they thought was a meth lab but is actually a terrorist cell planning to disburse anthrax. The BAU is brought in to question the leader of the cell, who has been held for a few months in Gitmo. Gideon, Reid, and Prentiss (who happens to be fluent in Arabic) fly to Gitmo while Hotch and Morgan team up with the DEA and Garcia and J.J. spend some quality girl time together back at Quantico.

Pretty much every crime drama has done their terrorist episode since 9/11, but this is my favorite by far. Mandy Patinkin was amazing, which isn’t really a break from the norm because Mandy will always be awesome no matter what he’s doing, but this my favorite Gideon-centric episode. His face when Jind Allah proclaims that innocent people “hurt [him] by existing” is a great reaction of an educated man hearing something so ignorant.

Also great; more Hotch family moments. When the target of the terror cell turns out to be the mall where Haley and Jack are supposed to be getting Jack’s pictures taken, Hotch struggles with whether to breach security and call Haley to warn her. He returns home to find that Haley decided to reschedule so he could be there. It’s very sweet. I love me some Hotch family moments, yes I do.

This week’s episode is new! Rejoice, fellow Criminal Minds fans!

Bones is finally back with an enjoyable and slightly unpredictable episode. Temperance Brennan’s new book, Red Tape, has hit the shelves and the bestsellers list. But as her publisher Elen pesters her to do more interviews and book signings, Brennan and Boothe are called away to the marina to investigate a dead body. The victim was bound to an anchor with red tape and fed to the crabs. Just like the first of three victims in Red Tape.

Both Boothe and Sully are concerned for Brennan’s safety. She refuses their help and throws herself into the case, feeling guilty that her book has caused this to happen. Just like in the book, two more people (one of which is Elen) show up dead, bound with red tape and fed to animals. Since the M.O.s are different for each victim, Brennan wants to treat them as three seperate murders, but the best suspect they have for each victim has a solid alibi.

And here’s where the twist comes. I had the perp pegged as Elen’s twitchy, diabetic assistant. The camera seemed to focus on him whenever he was in the scene and he controlled the circumstances under which Elen’s body was found, which people who plan a murder do. It turns out there were actually three killers; the suspects from each victim killed another person for the other guy so the guy would have an alibi. Awesome, right?

Throughout the episode, Brennan pushes Sully away because she’s afraid that it won’t work out and Sully’s rethinking his relationship with her. Angela tells Temperance to enjoy what she and Sully have right now and Boothe (BOOTHE!) gives Sully a pep talk and tells him not to let her push him away. They make out and all is right with the world. Or not, as we see Boothe sigh and walk away.

There’s a new show about a detective solving supernatural crime on…..Lifetime?

That’s right, Lifetime. Blood Ties, based on Tanya Huff’s Vicki Nelson series, had a 2-hour premiere on the network for women (and gay men) Sunday. “Blood Price” Parts 1 and 2 had former police officer Vicki witness a homicide and unwittingly stumbling on a demonic plot to plunge the world into darkness. While fighting with her ex-partner and ex-lover Michael, she teams up with Henry the vampire to solve the case.

Vicki is an awesome heroine for Lifetime; she kicks ass and she doesn’t look like a supermodel. And she isn’t a supernatural whore (at least not yet), which puts her several steps ahead of Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake. I like her and I can see myself rooting for her for an entire season.

And holy god am I hot for Henry. Think Stuart Townsend in Queen of the Damned but prettier and writing/illustrating more comic books.

The show is pretty much a weekly, hour-long B vampire movie. The special effects are cheesy, the acting is sometimes hammy and over-dramatic, and the fight scenes weren’t that well choreographed. I can honestly say I loved it. I loved it for a lot of reasons, most of which were probably unintended by those involved in the production of this fine hour of television, but I loved it nonetheless.

NBC has a new linear crime drama; The Black Donnellys. It’s the story of four brothers - Jimmy, Kevin, Tommy, and Sean Donnelly - involved in the Irish mob. Tommy wants to get out of this life of crime and just go to art school in peace, but he constantly has to get his brothers out of trouble.

Now, I didn’t watch last night’s episode because I was studying for finals watching the South Park movie with some friends after 24, but thanks to NBC’s awesome policy of putting up full episodes of their shows online, I’ve managed to catch the first two plus an online bonus episode. And I have to say that I’m suitably impressed.

First off, if you don’t like graphic violence, this show isn’t for you. The Black Donnellys is just getting by Standards and Practices by the skin of their teeth. Because of the violence you might think that this show has a mostly male audience, but I frequent a message board full of women and we all LOVE it. The dynamic of the four brothers is really engaging.

But the thing I love most about The Black Donnellys is Joey Ice Cream, a childhood friend of the brothers. Joey is our narrator, telling the story to cops and lawyers while in jail. The thing is, he’s not exactly the most reliable of narrators. A few times during the second episode he was asked how he knew all this and he answers, “Oh yeah, I was there” only to disappear out of the scene a few seconds later. It adds a layer of “what the hell is really going on here?” to the story.

All in all, The Black Donnellys is an enjoyable mob drama. If you’re missing The Sopranos, I’d definitely give it a try.

This week, Charlie is approached by a female friend from college for help. Relax, Charlie/Amita fans, she’s dead within a minute anyway. She wanted Charlie to take her to Don because she had information on a voter fraud conspiracy. The Feds look into it, confirm her story, and spend the rest of the episode trying to save the few people involved that are still alive.

Meanwhile, it’s the triumphant return of Oswald! Yay! He’s unsure about applying to CalSci and Charlie tries to browbeat him into submission because if you don’t go to college, you fail at life. Millie gives him the brilliant idea to get Oswald involved in the voter fraud case to show him how much fun it is at CalSci. He sees the light and decides to apply.

Also? Meghan’s avoiding calls from the Director (of their FBI branch office). In the end, she declines whatever he was offering her, but is pretty much told that she’s going to accept and she’s going to like it. Thanks for that oh-so-subtle set up for Diane Farr’s maternity leave, writers.

Honestly, the best thing about this episode was the return of Oswald and the forensic accountant played by Joshua Malina. It was like a side character spectacular! Oh, and Alan trying to get Don to move back home ’cause he’s pretty much there all the time anyway. He has a point, Don; we’ve only seen your apartment once or twice. Move back home and give me some more Eppes Family Moments, dammit!

The screencap above is not from CSI. It’s from the short-lived sci-fi series Firefly. I just want you to have this image of a grown man playing with dinosaurs in your mind, so you might begin to understand why “Burn Out” makes my soul weep.

In “Burn Out”, two boys are missing and the team is in a rush against time to find them. Nick works an arson that happens to be connected; the victim is a convicted pedophile (played by Alan Tudyk) whose house was set on fire by a neighbor who suspected him. The CSIs are a little suspicious of this story and when they dig further, the truth is revealed.

The boys were hanging out with Alan Tudyk’s character because the one boys’ gandfather, who watched them after school, was a strict man. The night they went missing, the grandfather had knocked the other boy around and hit his head on a wall. They ran away to Alan and since the boy’s concussion went untreated, he suffered a seizure and died. Knowing that this looks really bad, Alan hid the boy’s body and the other boy ran away. He’s found safe and sound, but Alan’s character goes to jail.

Make no mistake; Alan Tudyk is an amazing actor. In fact, this episode really showcases his range really well. But in my mind, he is Wash from Firefly. So seeing him talk about seducing young boys? More than just a little disturbing to me. This is a fantastic episode, but it’s one that I would really prefer not to see again. I’ll stick to watching my Firefly DVDs.

Tonight’s repeat of Criminal Minds follows two serial killers operating in the same city, one - the Mill Creek Killer - hunting middle-class brunettes and the other - the Hollow Man - shooting prostitutes. They’re locked in a rivalry leaving the city paralyzed in fear. But before the BAU team takes off, a new member named Emily Prentiss arrives. There’s some confusion due to the fact that Hotch has not approved a transfer to the team but she has the proper paperwork. She’s left behind for now.

After the Hollow Man alerts the media to the location of one of the Mill Creek Killer’s victims, Reid figures out that the two killers are communicating through the newspaper’s classifieds. They use names from Catcher in the Rye, the preferred novel of the sociopath. Apparently I am not a sociopath, because I HATED that book. Wah, wah, wah. Shut up Holden. The team is able to play the Mill Creek Killer and the Hollow Man off of each other and apprehend both.

When Hotch returns to his office, Prentiss is there. In the dark. Waiting for him. Hotch is slightly creeped out, but is impressed with her evaluation of the case file that was delivered for him. He makes no promises - the credits already made them for him - but directs her to someone who can assign her a desk and she practically skips away.

This is one of my favorite episodes; I found it really cool how they played the killers off of one another. They also used handwriting analysis to help profile the Hollow Man, something which I would personally like to see more of on the show. Another thing I thought was particularly interesting was how we saw the Mill Creek Killer’s face in the opening. It was a great stylistic choice, especially since we didn’t see the Hollow Man until the last few minutes, mirroring the media coverage each killer got.

I just want to pop back in to say that Criminal Minds won its time slot, beating a first-run episode of Lost ! How awesome is THAT?! Congratulations to everyone involved in the show; having a repeat beat out one of the most critically acclaimed shows on TV has to feel pretty good. You guys deserve it.

Once again, I find myself without an episode to comment on. The CW has deigned that instead of a rerun, the Veronica Mars timeslot was to be filled with Who Will Be the Next Doll?, which is a search for the next great slut Pussycat Doll.

So let’s discuss another reason why I love crime dramas; TV boyfriends. Crime dramas are ripe with beautiful, angsty men (or women if you so prefer) to crush on. Some of you might prefer the strong leader types or perhaps the tragically damaged. But my weakness is….the geeks. Yes, I have a thing for geeks. And their usual habitat is the crime drama, where they use their mad knowledge skillz for the greater good.

Let’s start with #1 on my list, Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid. There’s really only one word that accurately describes Spence and that word is “adorkable” (a word which here, dear reader, means adorably dorky). Physics magic, anyone? Spencer is a geek with a heart of gold and while I find him extremely sexy, mostly I just want to curl up in bed with him and a good book.

#2 on my Crime Drama Boyfriends list - who is actually #3 on my overall TV list because of Dr. Robert Chase on House - is CSI’s Greg Sanders. As I’ve mentioned before, I began watching CSI when I was 12 and I’ve alwyas had a soft spot for the geeky lab tech; “Fannysmackin’” had me demanding the blood of Kevin Federline. My Thursdays are made brighter by the appearance of Greg on my television screen.

And last but most certainly not least, #3, Charlie Eppes. Any man who can make math interesting to me deserves to be on the list.

So, dear readers, who are YOUR television boy/girlfriends?